Social and Political Commentary

Being a Single Mom – Single Woman vs. Single Mother

by / 1 Comment / September 21, 2012

Being a Single Mom

It’s funny.  I was working out with a friend of mine and this guy came up and started a conversation.  He made a statement that stood out to me.

He said that he would never date a woman with kids.

Think about that for a minute.  I’ve heard that before, and I can understand why some people might feel negatively about taking on the responsibility of another man’s child.  A man can’t help but ask questions like:  will I have to deal with the child’s other family?  Is this woman promiscuous?  Any number of questions may arise.

But from my experience, I’ve found that many single mothers were with their child’s father for a long period of time.  He may have been the only one she was ever with, or her first love.   I’ve also found single mothers to be rather responsible, intelligent, and having a strong capacity to give and love.  I think maybe this has something to do with having a child under less than ideal circumstances.  That requires a woman who’s willing to sacrifice herself and put the child’s needs before hers.  I find a lot of positives in single mothers.

But let me also say that I’m not endorsing single motherhood.  I think that America has done enough to place the hero badge on single mothers while completely dismissing the significance of fathers and family.

Most of the messages you get about having a child at a young age imply that it’s one of the worst things you can do.  But a woman who still finds the courage to follow through and deal with the consequences, whether things work out with the father or not, who braves the negative outlook of friends and family, this woman has some noble characteristics.

Now I’m not talking about the women out there using children as weapons of mass destruction.  The ones who behave in a careless and selfish way.  I’m referring to the single mothers who display selflessness, responsibility and courage in facing their circumstances in a way that I think would be attractive to any individual.

On the contrary, many times in this world where everything is so fast paced, it’s about what job you have, what car you drive, your clothes, your body – all about what you see.  Sometimes you meet a woman and the first thing she says is, “I don’t have kids, I can do what I want to do.”

And that’s exactly how those single women live their lives, doing what they want to do.  It’s not necessarily bad, but she’s not exactly someone you could see yourself with long term.

Many times we judge people by what we see.  We think, “Oh this person has a child, that’s not what I want.  Now this woman doesn’t have a child, that’s what I’m looking for.”

Maybe the woman had a child with her first love.  Maybe her boyfriend died.  Maybe she’s a widow.  You never know.  Maybe this woman who doesn’t have children is living it up in Vegas every weekend.

So the question again is, what’s more appealing?  A single woman with children or your “Sex in the City” girl?  And I guess the answer to that question should be, you have to look past what you see to find the answer.

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One Comment

  1. […] remember when I ran my 1st Marathon in San Diego for Team N Training and I too was pregnant! Single Woman vs. Single Mother, by Damon SmithI can’t speak for the guy that was referenced in the article but it sounds like to me he may […]

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